Everything:infravermelho

Highways upon highways. This trip has become very tiring. All thoughts seem to go back to the genome. Oh sail away, find me a love.

This isn't about the awesome band, this is about the same old boy. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. I think I'm being used but isn't that what love is? Using each other for affections, touches, kisses, and sex. I guess its just always the fear of love and if you're some rebound girl or not. I'm proud that I said what I said but it opened up new doors of opportunities and fears. Its such a shame and its really not fair. I constantly wanna talk to him and man I...I don't know I want to just go to his house and kiss him already but what if he doesn't want it? Although he's suggested it many times. Oh boys...

I swear these bones are just mere accessories. I feel robbed, lonely, and just out of everything. I really fuckin' mean it this time. I can't take knowing that you're just fucking around with your life and you know that. You ALWAYS do this to me and you know what you're doing and you know that you can get me into tears. You say that person has brainwashed you but you have no idea that you're just as bad as her. And you think that I don't know what it feels like to lose something close to you but you have no idea that you're doing it to me! Just don't call me unless you're okay 'cause you and all my friends know that I feel like shit knowing that I can't do anything to help out. I can tell you right now that a professional can't help you, only you can save yourself from this. The people you surround yourself now are hazardous and the boyfriend you have is even worse. I wish that I could help you but I just can't see you like this, you're my big sister.

This is what I've been waiting for weeks to get is one little text from him and I got it right now but its just not quite right. I don't know why I'm such an emotional wreck right now. I just have too much troubles and nothing is helping right now. I care too much for people and I need to stop putting others before myself. There's just too much anger and lies right now. I mean I like kept everything inside like I always do and this is my annual breakdown.

I took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Is easily exhausted from too much argument and har..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Today is soo tiring and I'm waiting for a text from him. I'm making it a taking turns kind of thing. Man, no matter how many times I try to forget about that boy something brings me back but when I have hope there's nothing. Its just so tiring. I'm just waiting for California on Thursday where I'll be riding a bus for six hours. I just hope I can find something or learn something and come back to Vegas a better person. I don't know what to write anymore.

A believer of this thing called love. Even though I have yet to experience these events myself, I've learned to believe it. I mean how else did Michael Gondry put it on silver screens in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Science of Sleep. Its just not possible without the possibility that love does exist. Just playback that scene in Eternal Sunshine where they're lying on the frozen lake and Jim Carrey says that perfect line with almost authenticity, "I could die right now, Clem. I’m just… happy. I’ve never felt that before. I’m just exactly where I want to be." Damn it! If I could just find that one day I probably would kill myself. The things I would do for something I never have found or fully believed. Do you see the wicked things love does? It makes you question it and it destroys you and then builds you up once you find that new person that you take interest in. It drives you mad and gives you restless nights yet the next day we have the drive to do it all over again. We drown out all of our senses so we could believe we had a chance to find it when in your heart you believe it but your mind..man your mind knows you are as pathetic as can be.