my Love, my stress.
Monday, November 17, 2008 8:27 PM
I've been trying so hard these past months to be the best person that I can but everyday it just seems like I'm failing so badly. I give my self, my life, my heart, my soul to God but I guess I haven't given enough. I cry at church, I cry at home, I cry at school. My love for God can tear a hole through a tree top but I still feel don't good enough. I still feel that I let Him and my family and everyone down. All I want is to be well again, I want to be healed! And I don't know what's holding me back. I don't know why I can't understand anything anymore. I don't know why I question playing the cello when once upon months ago it was my dream to go and pursue. I pray to God for the knowledge and passion I once had and for it to grow again. Did I become a bitter wicked heart? I hope not, I pray to be healed and saved from what's holding me back, from what I need and my purpose for life. I pray that I can dream like I used to. I pray that I can carry through high school all the way. My gosh! I pray that I can get through two pages of math homework without getting frustrated and giving up. People say patience is one of the best traits I have, but I don't know who I am anymore.
This Modern Love.
Saturday, November 8, 2008 9:12 PM
Isn't gonna make me feel lonely anymore. I'm growing out of it. Right here, right now, its what's best for me now. Yeah I've got a mecca of people helping me out and I don't need that special guy yet. I need my true friends, I need to build myself up. This modern love won't stop me from growing a liking/understanding of myself. Its true that if you don't love yourself, who do you expect to love you. That's the truth and that's why there are so many young kids who say their in love and end up going home crying not sure of themselves saying there not good enough. Love yourself, know your good enough. Now I know that I cover things up and I cover them well. I know that when I bottle things up and I have that one night where I break down, it shows the next day. I know I'm good enough to conquer anything I put my mind to and I love it. I know that I got a forehead full of pimples but I'm human and I'm just as pretty as anyone else. I love my random self, I love that I can make people happy. I love that I like to worship, I love that I am Jesus freak and when I hear Jesus' name it brings me to tears. I love me and when that guy comes I know I'll be ready to love him as much as possibe because I know how to love.