Pray, Study, Diet, No Myspace.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008 8:03 PM
No, myspace. I feel better, although I don't feel as close with my friends. I wonder why. I'm trying to let the flow go but I can't seem to. I can't let it go so I can't go with it. I've accomplished a lot of school work. I'm doing good academically. I feel healed but just like human/teenage nature I want more. We always want more than what we have. But what if the things we want are the things that make us miserable? Yeah, I stole that from Nooba..wait I know that's not the correct name.
At school, I see these couples and all they have is each other. They spend everyday just together. I bet they have like class friends that they talk to in there class, but at lunch they only have each other. If I was with a guy, I don't know if I'd be able to hang with just him and me, but then again I haven't had a true experience of having a boyfriend or should I say relationship or commitment. I don't know and I want it. Put up the peace sign, put your index down.
At school, I see these couples and all they have is each other. They spend everyday just together. I bet they have like class friends that they talk to in there class, but at lunch they only have each other. If I was with a guy, I don't know if I'd be able to hang with just him and me, but then again I haven't had a true experience of having a boyfriend or should I say relationship or commitment. I don't know and I want it. Put up the peace sign, put your index down.
I can't breathe.
Monday, October 13, 2008 4:12 PM
On days you feel the most emotions, its overwhelming. I feel like I've failed in life. I want to hide away from emotions. My gosh they were playing "Stop and Stare" in P.E. and felt so lost and stressed and almost started crying. I'm going exactly nowhere and everyone is helping me out but I'm still just stuck in one place. Maybe I have no knowledge maybe I'm just a big part of this myspace/interweb social scene. My hairs a mess, I'm going crazy, I'm losing my memory, and I'm listening to "Stop and Stare". I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I don't know where I'm going and I can't handle it. I'm sick of people asking me if I'm okay in that stupid baby voice they use. GOSH DARN IT! I'm just so sick and tired of myself. I'm the worst cello player in my class. I have no idea what they're talking about in Biology; I don't understand how kids can answer her questions I just don't understand. I've been crying all this week. I can't believe I gave that girl my only copy of my essay to peer review, I'm so stupid. I'm wasting away. Why the hell am I in LVA?! Why am I so forgetful. Why can't I be where all the other kids are at, huh?! Why can't I be with them in that pool of certainty. Why do I have to be thrown in the back? I do all this work but I'm still nowhere like them. I want to be so bad. They know everything they want and they know how to get it and I'm gonna be stuck in Vegas probably working at a casino. I know I'm not alone in the world but I'm so lost and sick of things at the moment.